TOTW: SAHM guilt

[Csara]

Along the lines of last week's topic, this week another topic was suggested about the guilt of not wanting to be a SAHM, whether you are or not.

Personally, I don't know of any SAHMs that don't want to be one. It's a choice and also a privilege for many. It is a lot of hard work and takes a ton of patience and commitment, among other things.

I think if I did not want to be a SAHM, I wouldn't feel guilty about it. Everyone needs to figure out what is the right thing for their family. If mom needs to work outside the home, whether it be an actual emotional and personal need or a financial one, it is probably the best thing for their family for mom to not be a SAHM.

I am going to add another question to the mix for SAHMs.....do you ever feel guilty for BEING a SAHM?

In short, my answer is no.

[jana]

The only thing I sometimes feel slightly guilty about is no longer contributing financially, but I know I contribute in many other positive ways to our family and our son's life.

[pink_elephant]

I'm not a SAHM, and don't want to be one and yeah I feel mildly guilty for not wanting to be one sometimes. But, then I try to remind myself that I am a much better mommy and wife when I have my "work" time. Plus, I love my job and am starting work towards my bachelor's (I have an associate's currently) very soon and I LOVE school. If I was a SAHM no way would we be able to send me thru school again (my company does tuition reimbursement)

[B'sgirl]

I don't feel guilty in the least. DH wouldn't have married me if I had not wanted to be a SAHM--that was very important to him. And I was able to get a college degree and teach for a few years before I stayed home, and I still do volunteer work in the school when I get a chance. I think there are plenty of ways I can contribute to the community while being a SAHM. I don't feel guilty about not helping with finances either. We don't need 2 incomes, and I think the work I do at home makes up for it.

[IUgrad02]

I don't feel guilty at all financially. My dh and I have planned for this since we were in high school, honestly! We both had mothers that stayed home w/ us, and that is what we decided would be best for our family when we had one. We even put away my paychecks as often as possible in order to remain used to 1 income. The only problem was, once the time came, I had no idea how hard it would be for me to leave my job. I love teaching, and I felt nearly devastated to leave it for such a long time, no matter how badly I wanted to stay home with my son. I just felt like it was the ultimate sacrifice -- choosing between two things I love so much. However, my son won. I knew he would. They even offered me an EXTREMELY tempting part time position, and I *bawled* when I hung up with my principal, turning it down. But, I still think I am doing the right thing. When it came down to it, I decided that later on in life, when I'm old and gray, I *might* regret working when my children were young, but I would *NEVER* regret staying home w/ them. This is what made my decision, ultimately.

I think guilt would have eaten me alive if I had kept working, since I've always planned to stay home. When I went back to work for the end of this past school year (DS was 3-6 mo), I kept thinking, "I'm spending all of this time enjoying and molding everyone else's children, while my own sits at the babysitter." That made me sad. It was definitely an emotional battle for me, but I think I'm doing the right thing for my son and myself.

[B'sgirl]

We both had mothers that stayed home w/ us, and that is what we decided would be best for our family when we had one. We even put away my paychecks as often as possible in order to remain used to 1 income....I just felt like it was the ultimate sacrifice -- choosing between two things I love so much. However, my son won. I knew he would. They even offered me an EXTREMELY tempting part time position, and I *bawled* when I hung up with my principal, turning it down. But, I still think I am doing the right thing. When it came down to it, I decided that later on in life, when I'm old and gray, I *might* regret working when my children were young, but I would *NEVER* regret staying home w/ them. This is what made my decision, ultimately.

That was almost exactly my experience!

[Margarita]

I don’t feel guilty for being home. If I did work out of the home, a big part of my salary would go to daycare anyway, and I feel that it’s more important for me to be home with the kids myself. My mom stayed home until I went to school and then had a very flexible schedule. I look back now and am grateful for having that. I don’t want my kids to grow up with someone else or be latch-key kids.

That’s just my choice for me, though. I totally understand working moms whether that have to financially or choose to work. I get overwhelmed at times and think about needing a change of pace to be able to be me, but at those times, B gives me a break and that rejuvenates me so I can keep going.

[nicolef888]

There are days where I feel guilty about not contributing financially (I made a very good salary at the height of my career-before the dot com crash) but then there are other days that I feel like I have contributed a considerable amount and our family wouldn't be as together as it is had I not been a stay-at-home mom. I do feel as though I would like to have a career again one day. I would work part-time so that I could still spend a good chunk of the day with my boys but I feel that I just need that for me to feel fulfilled-it's tough to explain....

[Tearianna]

I planned on someday being a SAHM from the moment I was married. But when DS arrived and I officially had to quit my job, it was much harder then I expected. I miss that life a lot some days, but I know I made the right decision and I will be happy with it when I look back on life!

[Margarita]

Originally Posted by nicolef888

I do feel as though I would like to have a career again one day. I would work part-time so that I could still spend a good chunk of the day with my boys but I feel that I just need that for me to feel fulfilled-it's tough to explain....

That totally makes sense, Nicole. I will definitely be going back to work someday, too. Kids grow up, so it's not like I'll be a SAHM forever. We could use the money to help save for college, too, so once they're both in school, I will be getting some kind of job. I just hope to find something flexible so I can take my kids to and from school and extra curricular activities. I also want to be able to be involved in their school(s) through volunteering. Finally, I hope whatever I find is something I enjoy. I've never had a job (outside the home) that I liked.