The "grand"father

[HeavenLeigh]

Okay, I have never had very many problems w/ T's dad. I always thought he was a decent person and I figured he would bug the heck out of me coming to see E after he was born.
Ha, that's what I get for thinking. Here is a list of a few things that have really hurt my feelings.

1. For 8-9 months his girlfriend lived litterally 45SECONDS down the road from me. He was at her house almost everyday, at least every other day. He came by to see E 3 times.
2. Before E's Bday party he promised to bring me $40, the amount needed to rent the place that I had booked. He never did. Never even mentioned it again.
3. He lives 7 minutes up the road, yet he will drive 30 to see his girlfriend's granddaughter. He never comes to see E.
4. He goes weeks, some times even months w/out calling to check on E.
5. He will call and tell me he's coming by to see in a few days....he was suppose to come last Sunday.....and never show up, call or anything.
6. He draws good money on disability and every now and again he works for cash. He told me "If you ever need anything call and I will try to get it for you. I barely make it myself, I'm sitting here with no food in the house myself" ---Pretty much saying "If you need anything, don't call me". I guess he forgot the many times he would get drunk and tell me how much money he brings in. Yet he paid $800 on the 2nd to get T's worthless ass of jail. And he paid his g/f $300 so she wouldn't get a warrant on T for stealing a check from her and cashing it.
7. If it weren't for his g/f E wouldn't have gotten a Christmas or Bday present. He never even got E anything for his shower or after he was born. Those 2 gifts are the only thing they have ever done for him.


I don't expect him to do anything for me. I understand he is not responsible for E. But I have cousins that know how hard I'm having it, and they will bring me a bag of diapers by every now and then. Plus I'm having it hard because his deadbeat son got on the needle and left me with a pile of bills. After he was the one that begged me not to go back to work, to file for my disability. S.O.B.
I would LOVE it if T's dad would just come by and be a part of E's life. I have told him many times "Call me when you want to see E and I'll bring him up for a couple hours" ---I'll spend my gas and money I DON'T have just so E can get to know him. He hasn't asked me to bring E up not even ONE freakin' time. It hurts me so much to look at E knowing it's like he doesn't exist to his sperm donors side of the family. I see him smile and I wonder who the hell couldn't love something so precious.
I don't feel that I should ALLOW T's dad to be a papaw when ever the hell he feels like it. I don't feel that he should call or come by every single day. But 7 minutes up the road (going slow) and he can't even swing by once a week or every other week? At least call once a week. Take some sort of interest. E's bday party was July 20, that was the last time he has seen him. He has called once since then. Maybe twice.....at the MOST.

Am I over-reacting? Am I expecting too much?


Yes, thanks to deadbeat papaw of the year--deadbeat Dad of the year is now out of jail. He has called and called and called. After I told him I want no contact w/ him. If he wanted to see E he had to sue me. he said he didn't want to "put E thru that".....awww how sweet. He chose a needle and syringe over his own flesh and blood but he doesn't want to put E thru going to court. Bless his heart, such a good dad.

[jana]

I'm so sorry.

Am I misremembering that T's dad sells drugs, too, though?

[shan]

I am so sorry hon! I wish I could help you. It is horrible what you are going through. I would just forget T's family. Just act as though they don't exist. But that is just what I would do. I am not very forgiving when it comes to kids/babies.

[KeelyKay]

Stupid, stupid, stupid man! Krysti, E has the best mother and big brother any little boy could ask for. He's not missing out on anything by not having the donor's family take interest. In my opinion, it is saving him from those horrible influences.

[heather6773]

Growing up I had little to no contact with my dad's family. Yes it sucked wondering but I am 35 and feel I made out better not knowing them. I here stories about them because they live in the next town near us. Sometimes its better NOT to force a relationship. You have a great family from the sounds on your side. Let E enjoy that side of the family. Don't let him get involved with T's side. Its not healthy. You seemed so stressed from it anyways. He will pick up on that and resent them anyways. I do because of they way they treated my Dad. I figure if he wasn't good enough for them I never will be and neither will my son's. They will never get the privledge of knowing my boys. Its THEIR loss. They are great kids. It will be T and his Dads loss when Ethan is all grown up and sick of empty promises. Trust me I knew who my REAL Grandparents were....my Mom's Parents...

[HeavenLeigh]

Jana....Yep, he sells Lortabs. Kinda hard to be stern w/ your son over a drug problem when you sell the $h*t yourself.

Thanks girls, I know what I need to do....it's just so hard. It's so painful to see kids walking beside a man, holding their hand and calling them "daddy". I know E will never have that. I, for the life of me, can't figure out why they don't love him? When I see his big blue eyes and that red head my entire world stands still. His smile melts my heart. I love him so darn much, and they act like he doesn't exist. It breaks my heart. He has a huge extended family on his dad's side, great aunts/uncles/cousins/etc... and NONE of them care. It's like the little fella was never born into their family. It makes me sick.
Yall are right, E has plenty enough love here. I love him enough for everybody and I will make damn sure that nobody makes him feel unloved or unwanted. I am offically done with T's dad. I'm not answering or returning his calls (I have ignored T's for days now) and if T's dad comes down I will grab E and the diaper bag and act like I have an appt or something. It is THEIR loss. He is a smart and loving baby, he deserves better than that.

[jana]

It's definitely completely sad and awful for E (and for them, missing out on your awesome little guy), but you know, when drugs and questionable morals are involved, it's not at all surprising to me that these people are making bad choices.

[Margarita]

I agree 100% with Keely and Heather that E is better off not knowing them. They would be horrible influences on your son.

Krysti, you know the issues we have with B's parents, and they are on a totally different level than you're dealing with. Even so and despite the times when I feel guilty and wonder if I should attempt a reconciliation, deep down I know that I am doing what is best for my family. B's family made their choice, and it is their loss.

The same goes for T and his family. It's their loss.

As for why they don't love him. Honey, I don't think they are capable of love. These people do/sell drugs, steal, lie, and who knows what else. They have no respect or love for themselves; how could they love another person?

You, D, and E are better off. You are a complete family just the three of you.

[jessilee82]

I'm just jumping in on this as it sounds this has been an ongoing problem.

I was in a not dis-similar place that you are now. I wrote off donor and family for good, from birth. I couldn't figure out why she wasn't as important to them as to me. Now, at 7 my daughter finally has a good relationship to her dad. He's grown up and cleaned up and is being a greatdad.

As for his family, they didn't make any moves because they were ashamed of their son and what he had done(or hadn't) and so their solution was to walk away. It was just easier for them. Not saying it was right! Just, maybe 'papa' is doing something similar.

My daughter never seemed to miss having a dad and we provided a strong household. I'm sure you're doing the same for E and he'll thrive. Some of the worlds most successful people come from single moms. Look at Michael Phelps. He is super motivated and successful now. Maybe that'll be E in his chosen field in 18 years. Hugs