My latest dilemma

[HeavenLeigh]

T seems to get worse by the day. Every word out of his mouth is a lie. He is still pretending to work. He did work one full week and on Good Friday he gave me $400. I was impressed, but that was short lived. Thank God his car *the one that's STILL in my name* was inpounded Friday. He had it parked on private property while he was out with his dope buddies doctor shopping. I told the guy at the lot to absolutely NOT release that car to him. I told T if he wanted the car out he HAD to get it out of my name first. That car won't move one more inch in my name. So, that takes care of that.
I have put a huge halt on his visits w/ E. He has threatend to take me to court and so on. What-ev. He wouldn't take his drug money and pay for a lawyer, so that takes care of that. I have told him if he wants to be part of E's life he WILL go to rehab. I want him to get better, but E is my main focus. I will not allow anyone to walk in and out of his life at their leisure. My question is......would I do more harm than good to E by denying T to visit? He is NEVER alone with E and over my dead body would he ever put E in a car and leave with him. I think it's important for a boy to have a dad, but it's more important for that boy to have a dad he can be proud of and look up to. Any advice on visits? Should I completely stop them or leave it as is, which is a couple hours a week?

[heather6773]

I say you are doing the right thing. Supervised visits are the way to go. If he wants to see his son then clean up his problems. GOOD JOB MOM!!! Be strong!!!

[Csara]

Are you the one there with him during visits? What goes on during visits? Does he argue with you or does he spend all of his time playing with E? I'm just curious what the situation is like in order to give a good opinion.

[HeavenLeigh]

Thanks girls. Last week I needed to go to the post office *which is 2 minutes away* and T was here. I packed E up and told T to sit on the porch, I would be back in a few minutes. I wouldn't leave him alone in my house or w/ my son. PERIOD!

C...at first he was coming down to question me. Who was I with, what guy has been calling me, blah blah blah. I put an end to that and now he mostly plays with E. I don't speak to him unless I have to because I have NOTHING good to say to him. Every word out of my mouth is sarcastic, but completely true.

Today, this is hilarious, he came down and we went to the Sheriff's office to have the car released. Then we were going to get the title switched over, then he could pick it up. Well, at the Sheriff's office they told him to have a seat and arrested him. Apparently the reason it was hauled off was due to a tip on a theft. 2 guys were cutting down poles and stealing copper wiring off of it. The tipper named T as one of them. By the time the cops got there the guys were gone and the car was sitting alone. The police got a search warrant for the car and found the stolen stuff in the trunk. He wanted me to follow him to jail, sign a surety bond and pay $9 to get him out I told him to get bent. His dad got him out and the "cop" is trying to help him get out of it. The cop use to hump T's Mom and every other skanky ho in Kentucky, that pisses me off. The charge was a felony, theft over $300 but now has been changed to recieving stolen property--a pat on the rear. Beat it all, T named a few names of guys that "might" have done it. I'm sure he'll get shot for that. This is BS. I'm so fed up and stressed out

[B'sgirl]

So does that mean the car is still in your name? T sure has made a mess of thing, hasn't he? I'm so sorry you are stuck in the middle of it all! I hope things can settle down for you soon so you can live a normal life!

[shan]

That sucks that he is getting worse instead of better. I would def not let him around E. I wouldn't let him anywhere near my child even if he is the father. You are doing the right thing. I would tell him until he gets off the drugs you don't want him on your property. When people are on drugs they can get violent, and if he decided to get violent what is to say he wouldn't turn on the kids too. Stay strong and try not to get too down.

[Csara]

Ugh, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. T is a moron and you are completely in the right by telling him he needs to get off drugs to be a part of your son's life. I wouldn't allow him near my kids until he is sober and gets help. Like you said, it is important for a child to have a father, but not a loser father like him. Again, I'm so sorry.

[Margarita]

I agree with C. A loser father is not a good influence on a child's life.