I was having lunch with my two sons and a friend and her son and daughter. All four kids were actually sitting down at the table, which you know if you have young children is clearly a big accomplishment.

So up walks another mom with her new baby girl and her mother (“the grandma”). They know my friend so they were chatting for a while, until the grandma says “Oh, I hope that when my daughter has her 3rd baby, it is not a boy! 3 girls is better than 3 boys! I was a teacher and when the teachers heard there were more boys in the class, we all wanted to switch classes. I HATE boys!” and the insults kept on rolling…..

I have many many issues with this conversation that was happening. The top one being, that our three boys were sitting right there!!! They are not deaf. Neither are we. I clearly was sitting there at the table eating lunch with my two boys! My friend obviously has a boy too. I was in disbelief. Did this woman actually just say that? Did she really just outwardly say that she hates boys?

I could easily make this post about how wonderful boys are, but I don’t have to do that. All of the moms of boys I know, understand the magic it is of having sons. It’s indescribable. They are amazing and wonderful and so very special, just as I’m sure girls are. The love you have for your children (and grandchildren!) should have no gender attached. It’s just pure, unconditional love. Or so it should be…

I want to just put this out there to ask people to please think before you speak! Not only do you make yourself look like a total jerk (wow, I’m being kind with that word here), but most importantly, you don’t know whose ears your harsh words may fall upon. There were 3 sweet, innocent little boys sitting there at the table who probably did not hear this bitter old woman’s damaging words, but their adoring mamas sure did.

We are all given what we are given. We don’t have a choice, but we do have the choice to have a positive attitude and an open mind. Children are resilient and stronger than we often give them credit for, but they are also very sensitive and can detect what is going on around them. I think I hope for that future child to be a girl just so that she doesn’t have to feel grandma’s dislike and disappointment towards her. On the other hand, for grandma’s sake, I hope she gets a grandson. If she gives him a chance, I guarantee he will change her mind. She’ll be eating her words and saying  ”I love boys”, because I don’t know a single mom (or grandma) of boys that doesn’t!!

I’m sure that I lose 10% of my brain every time I give birth to a child. When I was a single college student I could remember the time and location of every class, when each paper was due, the number of pages, font size, format, etc. that was required for each paper, all of my friends’ phone numbers and birthdays, and what I had eaten for dinner every night for the past two weeks.

Now? I can hardly remember my own birthday, what I ate for breakfast, what time piano lessons are, and I don’t even know my husband’s phone number (okay, maybe cell phone quick-dial is to blame for that one). I know I was busy in college—probably just as busy as I am now. So what is the difference?

It’s me. Or more accurately, it WAS me. Now it is them. When I was single I only had to worry about one person—me! Sure I had family and friends, but I was only responsible for myself. I never had to take on more than I felt I could handle. If I needed a break I could take one whenever I wanted, even if it meant cutting class.

Now? Not a chance! Some days there is no me! There is no such thing as a quiet moment. There is no such thing as cutting class. There is not even such a thing as a good night’s rest. Do you remember that old tv show from the 90’s, “Out of This World”? Oh that I could simply touch my fingers together and freeze the rest of the world for a little while like Evie could. But alas, my father is not an alien (I think). And I do not have any superpowers (except the power of not getting grossed out by super smelly diapers). So what do I do about it?
I have found three things that help me feel like I have at least some of my brain left:

1. Prioritize. For awhile there I couldn’t say no to anything. I wanted to do everything: be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect daughter, the perfect citizen…you get the point. There was always time for just a little bit more. Until there wasn’t. Then I realized that the real challenge in life was not choosing good over bad, it was choosing good over good. I had to evaluate the many, many good things I was involved in and decide what was most important right now. It didn’t mean I had to stop them forever, but I could not go on doing everything and expect to maintain my sanity.

I decided that my children were infinitely more important than anything else I was doing. They are very young and until they become more independent most of the activities outside the home have to be pared away. The community orchestra can wait. The volunteer boards can wait. Many of my political involvements can wait. I’ll go back, but I will go back with my children, not at their expense.

2. Organize. I never relied on a planner in college, but now I cannot function without the alarms and notifications on my electronic calendar. If it doesn’t get into my calendar, I don’t remember it. (The real challenge for me is entering the information in correctly!) Somewhere amid all the demands I have to take enough to time to make a plan so that when I do get a few moments alone I don’t waste all my time surfing Facebook. (Note that I said all my time. I confess I waste plenty of time there, but that is part of point number three).

3. Bring the “ME” back into the picture. I often allow myself to get pushed out of my own life. My kids have needs all day long, and when I finally get them to bed, my husband has needs. And then I finally doze off to sleep and my nursing baby has needs. It gets kind of hard to fill everyone else’s bucket if your own is empty. There is an Old Testament story where the prophet Elijah visits an old widow who is about to use the last bit of oil and flour in her barrel to make bread for her and her son. She feeds it to Elijah at his request and the bottom-of-the-barrel items miraculously feed the three of them until the famine is over. This is not that kind of bucket. You are not feeding Elijah. You need to fill your bucket. When you start snapping at your kids or your hubbie for really stupid things (like helping you load the dishwasher the wrong way), its time.

Forget them. Do what it takes to fill your bucket. Turn on a movie and go take a shower. Shut yourself in your bathroom with your iPhone and your Facebook app (see, I told you it would come up). Get a babysitter and go out to lunch with some friends. Go workout. Do something you love. (Or call your mom and whine—if you can’t escape the whining, neither can she). It’s best to fill your bucket before you reach the snapping point though. When you prioritize and plan, make sure to include yourself in the plan.

The bottom line is being a stay-at-home can be hard! (Anyone who thinks being a stay-at-home mom means lounging around watching soaps all day is deluded). But it is also extremely rewarding. The trick is to make sure that you take care of your family including you. Do not leave yourself behind.

Michelle L. King is the author of “Barrett’s Unusual Ice Cream Party”, and “Mr. Percy’s Mysterious Glasses”. She has a degree in Early Childhood Education and is a former Kindergarten teacher. She lives in Logan, Utah with her husband and three children. You can find her work at www.MichelleLKing.com.

As you can imagine, this condition is very difficult for anyone to deal with, much less a child. When Barrett goes to school and starts to notice that he is different, he becomes very upset. He feels badly that he can’t eat ice-cream and sandwiches like the other kids in his class.

One day, a new child arrives in the classroom, who also has food allergies. His bright attitude and outgoing personality help Barrett realize that being different is not a bad thing, it is what makes us all special.

Barrett’s Unusual Ice Cream Party is a very informative and enjoyable book for children. If your child suffers from food allergies or has any friends that do, this is a great book to help them understand their condition in a child friendly way, with a wonderful lesson.

If you would like to win a copy of Barrett’s Unusual Ice Cream Party, please “LIKE” us on Facebook and like the post about this book. You will be entered into a random draw with TWO winners!

Many times when you have kids, they become your shadow. Sometimes it feels like just you and your little shadow everywhere you go. Motherhood can be lonely for a new mom, but it doesn’t have to be. You’ve got your little baby. Embrace it! Seek out the friendship and camaraderie of other moms in the same position. Soon enough, your little shadow will be in the distance and you will wish they were right under your feet again.

All you need are a couple of jumbo marshmallows, some chocolate to melt, colored sprinkles and a wooden kabob stick, although I’d suggest one with 2 blunt ends since you don’t want your child stabbing him/herself in the mouth.

Stack 3 jumbo marshmallows on the stick, cover in melted chocolate and then roll in sprinkles. Enjoy!

Marshmallow Stick

Not your average mommy shoe

But during that time when I felt like I couldn’t take anymore of the kids by myself and I thought I’d go crazy, he would come home at night and then we had our time together. I could unload on him and relax and I had his company. I wasn’t alone.

Well, now my husband is away for the first time without me and for the past 4 days, I’ve gotten a dose of single-momdom, and it’s not easy at all.  If I was a single mom, I’d have to go to work on top of solely taking care of my kids and that is a big difference. A huge difference. I don’t know how you single moms do it. When my husband comes home tomorrow, I think I might just say hi and then go running for the hills. All the single mommies, you are seriously Rock Stars!

So then I decided to make this an informational site and I posted a giant list of questions to ask your care provider, the controversies of drinking alcohol during pregnancy, planning your baby’s first birthday party,  top 10 maternity style essentials, and the embarrassing situation of asking a non pregnant woman when she’s due. Oh, let’s not forget the top 5 things pregnant women hate to hear.

Not quite sure why my focus was so set on pregnancy, but maybe I was going through a bout of baby fever at that time. It happens sometimes. It comes, it goes. I think it’s hard to imagine being completely done having kids forever, especially as my “babies” keep getting bigger. As they get bigger, things get easier in a way, but they also bring on a new set of challenges.

This year has been a challenge and I am glad to see it end. I welcome 2012 with open arms and know that it will be a much better year. Happy New Year to all of you! I wish you all a wonderful year ahead full of health, happiness and success in all that you do!

My promise to myself is to take better care of me. I will go to doctor’s appointments as recommended, continue to exercise as often as possible, eat and cook healthy for my family, go to sleep earlier and not waste time. If something is not beneficial to me or my family, I won’t do it. I will make this year successful in every way possible. I will be a more patient mother, a more encouraging wife, a better friend and a more positive person. Cheers!

One thing most parents get wrong is that they try to reason with their toddler. There is no such thing as reason and logic when it comes to two and three year olds. They are driven fully by their emotions.

Kids don’t care or listen after a while when they keep hearing the word “No”. They want what they want and get tired of being told that they can’t have this or do that. Using positive language as a tool instead of negative language will create the outcomes you want with your child while creating a strong emotional connection.

When you have that strong connection and enter your child’s world, they will feel like you understand them. There have been many times when I’ve stopped a tantrum dead in it’s tracks by simply telling my child that I “get it”. Say it’s time to get out of the tub and he’s not ready yet, I will say “I know you want to stay in the bath and play with the toys. They look really fun and I bet you like all the squeaky noises they make”. As soon as I do this, my child is instantly more calm and more willing to listen to the rest of what I have to say. I’ve connected with him on his level.

Another example would be when your 3 year old wants to cut his own food at the table. Obviously you can’t hand him over a big steak knife and risk him stabbing himself, so naturally you say “no” or ignore him and just do it for him. He gets mad and throws a tantrum. You wonder why your kid is so difficult.

All of this could have gone smoothly if you had entered your child’s world first. You could have told your child how proud you are of him for wanting to be a big boy and do things for himself. Since 3 year olds don’t really understand the logic of getting hurt, you need to just give him a safer choice where the outcomes are positive for both of you. Maybe give him a plastic knife to practice cutting or have him hold your hand over the real knife so he can participate in cutting his food.

That is just one in hundreds of examples of using effective language as a tool to radically change your child’s behavior. Communication is the first and best step to solving your parenting problems. Learn the best way to talk to your toddler.