Using Language As a Tool to Shape Your Child’s Behavior

I have said many times that I don’t understand how there is such a thing as the “Terrible Twos” but no such title for the insane behavior of three year olds. In my experience, three year olds are way more intense and way harder to handle than two year olds. “Torturous Threes” anyone?

One thing most parents get wrong is that they try to reason with their toddler. There is no such thing as reason and logic when it comes to two and three year olds. They are driven fully by their emotions.

Kids don’t care or listen after a while when they keep hearing the word “No”. They want what they want and get tired of being told that they can’t have this or do that. Using positive language as a tool instead of negative language will create the outcomes you want with your child while creating a strong emotional connection.

When you have that strong connection and enter your child’s world, they will feel like you understand them. There have been many times when I’ve stopped a tantrum dead in it’s tracks by simply telling my child that I “get it”. Say it’s time to get out of the tub and he’s not ready yet, I will say “I know you want to stay in the bath and play with the toys. They look really fun and I bet you like all the squeaky noises they make”. As soon as I do this, my child is instantly more calm and more willing to listen to the rest of what I have to say. I’ve connected with him on his level.

Another example would be when your 3 year old wants to cut his own food at the table. Obviously you can’t hand him over a big steak knife and risk him stabbing himself, so naturally you say “no” or ignore him and just do it for him. He gets mad and throws a tantrum. You wonder why your kid is so difficult.

All of this could have gone smoothly if you had entered your child’s world first. You could have told your child how proud you are of him for wanting to be a big boy and do things for himself. Since 3 year olds don’t really understand the logic of getting hurt, you need to just give him a safer choice where the outcomes are positive for both of you. Maybe give him a plastic knife to practice cutting or have him hold your hand over the real knife so he can participate in cutting his food.

That is just one in hundreds of examples of using effective language as a tool to radically change your child’s behavior. Communication is the first and best step to solving your parenting problems. Learn the best way to talk to your toddler.