Wrangling Mothers’ Family Circus

When you sign up for parenthood, by choice or by surprise, you also sign up for the Wrangling Mothers’ Family Circus. At some point in the course of child rearing, there will be at least one spectacle worthy of telling everybody you know (hopefully with photographic evidence to add realism).

Pregnancy: Pregnancy alone is some sort of a sideshow act. A woman in the first trimester of pregnancy could be called, “The Incredibly Hormonal, Cookie-Tossing Woman. Someone in the second trimester might be referred to as, “The Incredibly Expanding, Time-Bomb,” and of course, the lucky third trimester advocate would be affectionately titled, “The Waddling, Pottying, Miserable Houseboat.” For all the women who thorougly enjoy pregnancy for all 280 days, I don’t like you. Keep your glowing, belly patting, baby section browsing happiness to yourself. Unless, of course, you can pass some of whatever you took to feel that way in my direction.

Newborn-ness (it’s my word of the day, sue me): While there is immediate relief at the end of the pregnancy act, a whole new world of circus fun ensues. Perhaps a father in a cage with five ravenously hungry, poo-filled-diaper wearing, newborns on changing tables could replace the lion tamer. I personally would rather see a man change five poopy diapers in a row anyway.

What about the ridiculous cycle of trying to get a baby to eat, changing diapers, and praying that little angel will sleep long enough to reduce the eye baggage? I bet I could do it all on horseback. If I couldn’t (everybody knows I couldn’t), I’d certainly pay to see somebody who could!

Mobility: Napping is hard no matter how old a child is. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Bite me, Doc. Baby only sleeps when he/she knows mom has something else she needs to do. Add in rolling, crawling, walking, running, jumping, and climbing; naps are priceless!

Toddlerism (another WOTD) through the point of becoming a Grandparent: They know it all (my two-year-old sure thinks he does), they think we know nothing, yet they still want/need/expect (pick your poison) mom and dad to do everything for them anyway. However, as I’m reminded by my own dear mother every time she gets the chance, grandchildren turn children into respectful, knowledge seeking parents. I have to agree with the knowledge seeking part at least.

-KeelyKay