Life Before Kids

Someone recently asked on the Mama Meetup Forums if anyone missed being single. I really don’t, but it brought up the idea of how much I miss being childless. I am not afraid to say it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love my kids or that I don’t enjoy being a mom, but I will readily admit that I really do miss those days of not having children. I miss having very little responsibility. I miss sleeping. I miss being spontaneous and doing whatever I want, whenever I want. For example, right now, I am in Baltimore, Maryland with my family. My kids are sleeping and I’m stuck writing a blog post in our hotel room while my husband went out to look for some bottled water for our baby’s morning bottle and to take some night shots with his camera. And when I say “morning”, I mean like 4:30 or 5 o’clock in the morning when my child decides it is time to wake up and eat. If we didn’t have kids, we’d be strolling along the inner harbor, having a drink, walking hand-in-hand and enjoying the night, knowing that morning would start whenever we wanted it to.

I have a really hard time with the early rising. I have never been a morning person. I used to walk through the halls of my high school with my eyes closed when I was a kid. For some reason, someone thinks it’s funny to torture me with sleep deprivation. Not a good thing at all. It makes me very cranky. Being on a road trip with my lovely family of four has made me extremely tired. There is no down time. We are always on the go and I am constantly managing and dealing with 2 over tired and  moody children. I don’t blame them, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

I have hardly any time to myself anymore.  I am always being pulled in different directions. I often times feel more like a slave than a mother or maybe that is just how it is?! My kids push me to the limit. I feel like I’ve aged 10 years in the past year. I had always looked really young for my age. Not anymore. I can see the fine lines on my face, the exhaustion in and around my eyes, the muscles tense around my jaw.  I don’t have time to shower every day, let alone shave my legs or take care of myself the way I used to. I don’t like what I see.

So, there, you have it. I’m admitting that having kids is dreadfully hard. They are delicious and beautiful and fun and cuddly and cute, but these days I think I prefer them when they are sleeping and I can finally have some quiet time.