Sometimes It Just Doesn’t Work Out
I’ve been having issues from the get-go with breast feeding my new baby. A week and a half ago, I wrote about him being too lazy to eat - basically couldn’t latch on correctly and continuously falling asleep. We tried and tried and tried. I took him for his 2 week check up on Monday (which was really 16 days past birth) and sadly he had lost weight since we were last there, 9 days before, to check on his weight and billirubin number. My poor baby is painfully thin and my doctor was extremely concerned.
Some of the reasons I chose this particular pediatrician is because he is supportive of my decision to delay or deny vaccinations and he is very pro-breastfeeding, in addition to being really great with my older son. I’m mentioning this so you all understand the fact that he actually listens to his patients and seems to truly care about what is best for them. That being said, at each appointment (I went every day for like 5 days) he kept encouraging me to continue breast feeding, but when we got to this last appointment and Jett had actually lost weight…not just hadn’t gained or gained slowly, but actually LOST weight, he told me from a medical standpoint that I should not continue. I was devastated.
As I sat there crying in my pediatrician’s exam room, he brought me tissues, sympathized with me, and gently explained that this just isn’t healthy for Jett. My child needs to gain weight and I’m not providing him with enough milk and/or calories to do so. I cried for two days. I don’t understand how I was able to feed and fatten up my oldest son for over a year, but I can’t do the same for my youngest one.
No wonder Jett was ALWAYS wanting to eat. I’m not exaggerating. I could sit there for an hour and a half trying to feed him and he would not be satisfied. Sometimes I would then even give him 2 ounces of formula and he still seemed frustrated and wanting to eat more. I’d put him down, thinking he was full and happy, and he’d fuss 5 minutes later. I feel terrible now, knowing he was literally starving.
Jumping to the positives, because I’m done being upset about it, he is a different baby now that he’s eating. He is soooooo good and happy. He is much more alert and rarely cries. I just have to keep telling myself that myself, my husband, most of my friends and actually most of my friends’ babies, were not breast fed and we are ALL fine. We are all happy, intelligent, healthy, functioning people and my baby will be the same. Formula is not poison. Bottle feeding is not evil. In fact, it’s pretty damn convenient and I’m actually enjoying it now that I’m getting used to it.
- Anyone can feed my baby, therefore anyone can watch my baby, at any time.
- DH gets to share night time feedings with me (and there are only 2 so it works out great!!)
- He’s on more of a schedule so I can expect exactly when he will want to eat and it’s not as often.
- I am not nearly as tired!!!
- I can tell how much he’s eating.
- I don’t feel tied down at all. Honestly all I did, all day long, was breast feed.
- I can now spend more time with my older son.
- I don’t have to worry so much about what I eat and drink.
Ok, I realize (almost) all of those reasons are completely and utterly selfish, but it is what it is (my new fave saying). I already know all of the benefits of breast feeding and the cons of bottle feeding and I know what I’m going to be missing, but I can’t change it.
I quit BFing cold turkey and the crazy thing is that my breasts did not even get that engorged. That is how low my milk supply was. I mean, they really really hurt, but they didn’t get that full and hard. What I’ve used to help with the pain/swelling:
- Extra strength tylenol every 4 hours
- Green cabbage leaves
- Ace bandage for binding (had to take it off after a few hours, it was too tight and painful
- Sports bras
- Breast pads
I’m hoping tomorrow I wake up with less or no pain. The physical reminder of what I’m giving up really bothers me. I’m starting to feel better all around though, so once this is past me, I am going to feel like a new person. I’m getting more sleep, post partum bleeding has really dwindled, and my spirits will be up once I know my baby has gained some weight!!
I'm glad that the transition is going well and that you're not in too much pain! I'm also thrilled (as I'm sure you are) that Jett is doing so well & is happy with a full little tummy.
Hugs to you all!
You did your part, sweetie. I understand the emotions you are going through; they're normal. My best friend just bawled at her daughter's one week appt today for similar reasons! It's all par for the course when you're dealing with PP hormones. You are doing so well, and I love your pro list. Awesome that you can bring DH in on the action.... good for him to help you so much!!!! Get that well deserved sleep, girl. You've earned it!!!!
The best news of all is that Jett is now officially ABOVE his birth weight!!! He gained 11 oz since Monday!!! (from 6.75 to 7.2)
Anyway, I love my pediatrician. He sat and talked to me for about a half hour about Jett and Jax. I told him about some issues we've been having with older J and he gave me GREAT advice and even offered to let me bring Jax in to talk to him.
I am really happy with the way things are working out right now....I think it is for the best for a myriad of reasons.
Thanks again girls!!!
Poor Jett! You done all you could, like you said sometimes it just doesn't work out. You can't fix what you don't know is broken, you had no way of knowing! I'm just glad that you feel better and are enjoying your happy boy! I'm also glad that Jason gets to feed him, that's an important tool for bonding.
WTG Jett on the weight gain, he'll be a butterball before you know it
I am glad that Jett is now thriving!!!
With my daughter I managed to bf for 2-3 weeks. She was constantly attached, fussy, and not gaining. I ate right, did everything they recommended(being lactation specialist and doc) and then some. At the end, they had me pump as much as I could which was 2 oz. between both breasts and had me set it in the fridge for 24 hours. Despite all the eating I was doing there was almost no fat at the top of my milk. So we went to formula. I had one day where I was 'full' and that was it. No engorging, no pain, nothing.
With my son, he ate and ate and had trouble latching. At his 2 week appt, he was under his birth weight. When I switched to formula my breasts didn't even notice. There was no change.
I cried and cried and cried. How could I make babies but not nourish them? Did that make me less of a woman? It certainly felt that way.
I made peace with it pretty quickly by focusing on how much happier they both were when bottle fed. Now, my oldest is above grade level in math and reading and my little man is hitting 'skill' marks for a 3 year old. Formula in no way damaged them.
I'm glad you have let go of any guilt or upset and can focus on how much happier it has made your family. Now your oldest can sit by you and 'feed' the baby by holding the bottle. My oldest loved to help like that.
Congrats on Jett, first and foremost (since I have been MIA for so long!)
My SIL went through what you did... except that she was too stubborn to give up and instead swapped pedis. Unfortuantly she had several mommy friends at her church that were nursing and they sdid not give her very good advice. At 5 weeks old my neice, born a little over 9 pounds, was barely 7 pounds. 3 docs diagnosed her as failure to thrive and told my SIL, since she had laready been told abotu the issue, that the baby would need to be hospitalized if things got any worse, and if that happened the dept of social services would be brought in. She finally gave in. 9 months later that baby is a porker!! LOL
Bottom line, breast aint always best!
Me, I had enough milk for all of Africa.... causing my boobs to frighten my son and my milk to, even 20 minutes into letdown, shoot across the room. Two sips and he was drowning. A week in, I threw in the towel. I could pump 6 ounces from each side in 10 minutes. It took 30-45 minutes to convince himto latch, and within an hour of nursing he'd want to eat again. I had all the guilt you had for stopping. But... that first bottle I fed him (it was of stored milk, but still).... he was so calm and peaceful... I realized he was my baby and not some hungry little monster (LOL, kidding of course)
You have to do what is best for you!
And you are so right about all of those pros C!