Fairy Tales & Self-Help

My best friend just had her first baby (a girl named Scarlet) on 08-08-08. If you think the birth date is interesting…

When we first found out she was having a girl, we decided to “betroth” her with one of my sons. However, we didn’t know which one, considering they are exact opposites. Robbie – my older son with dark hair and eyes – is high maintenance and very particular. The typical first born. Andrew – the younger - is laid back and always laughing. He’s my little Rastafarian, only blonde haired and blue eyed. So we decided that the boys will have to win her. Yes, win her. Forget compatible personalities and complimenting looks; they’re going to duel. When of proper age, Scarlet will be hidden away in a cottage in an enchanted forest, and my baby boys – I mean, the MEN – will have to overcome obstacles to obtain her hand in marriage. Each will battle a magical creature (you know, a dragon, hippogriff, etc.), engage in a verbal warfare with a sarcastic elf, and upon triumphing, will be rewarded with clues. The first clue will lead them to a key that opens the cottage, and the second clue will lead them to an engagement ring. The first boy (forget it, I can’t refer to my toddlers as men yet) to successfully defeat each obstacle and rescue her from the cottage wins.

Having that said, I find it ironic to say that neither she nor I read many books about pregnancy or childbearing. Oh, we read books. Obviously. But they were generally about boy wizards that attend Hogwarts, or lions that rule in the land of Narnia. We of course read What To Expect When You’re Expecting, and another one I read was called On Becoming Baby Wise. I have heard both ends of the spectrum – that every child is different and therefore, parents can’t rely on books to train them, and I’ve heard that books better prepare us for parenthood. So I have two questions. 1.) What books did you read and would recommend for other parents to read? And 2.) How important do you believe it is to read books before having a baby?

Traci Sig

Comments:

I don't think that there is a book on earth that can completely prepare us for parenthood. The only book that I ever read pertaining to mothering was What to Expect the First Year and that was 10 years ago when I was expecting my first. I followed the book precisely and was never really comfortable with it. The second time around, I trusted my own instinct and essentially went against everything that I was supposed to do. I felt good about every decision that I made for my daughter because I was doing what the mother in me said was best for her.
Now, that being said, I have a great relationship with both of my children even with the extreme differences in my parenting in their early years. by RedBedHead
I think it's good to read a variety of books and take the information that you think will be helpful to you from each one. I don't believe in or even understand how some people can follow one parenting book like a bible. Parenthood is a learning experience that is very personal/individual. What works for one child won't work for another and what works for one parent will not work for another. You learn as you go and although it is good to educate yourself by reading, I don't think any book will prepare you or solve all of your problems. by Csara
I don't want it to sound like I didn't read anything to prepare myself. Hopefully nobody takes it that way. I read a TON of articles online and did read many books with my second pregnancy. I just didn't stick to one the way I stuck to What to Expect. by RedBedHead
With my first, I read stuff about pregnancy ("What to Expect") but didn't really read much on what to do with a baby. I thought it would come naturally and that I'd have a really laid back attitude about things. Things did fall into place to a degree (I however was NOT laid back!!!), but I got kind of psycho about sleep (I still am the sleep police) and read several books - which made me a little bit more psycho about sleep. I also combed every source I could about feeding, and got really anxious about that. I really got myself into a tizzy b/c my dd and I weren't doing everything "by the book", and I started to think that I was doing something wrong. Some of those books make you think that if your child doesn't nap at 9am and 1pm that they will become a sleep deprived serial killer. Fortunately, I received awesome guidance from my mom and our pediatrician, who really sung the "every baby is different" song.

With my 2nd, I saw those books as a guide and sort of a 'best case scenario'. I did read a lot about breastfeeding, and also sifted through some of those sleep books as a refresher before dd2 was born. by Deana
I read What to Expect When Expecting and that was it for me. I have a real laid back mothering. I think it is working for K and me. She takes regular naps and sleeps through the night. I just pretty much go with the flow and see where every day takes me. I did read some things on line, but pretty much I let my instincts guide me. by shan
I read a few books, but found that just reading certain sections instead of the whole thing was best. I don't think I found one book where I felt that all the information was relevant to me, and I really don't think reading very much before you have the baby is helpful. You tend to become obsessed, I think. by Carole
I read parts of "What to Expect" but quit because it was a bit too informative for me on the "what ifs" of childbirth. The only parenting book I read was "The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer". I've read lots online as needed, though.

A few days ago, I finished reading "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)" by Gavin de Becker (thanks, Jana!). I would definitely recommend this book. by Margarita
Oh, I guess I forgot about all the online stuff I read. During my pregnancy, I would google whatever week I was in ("24 weeks pregnant," etc.) and would read about the progress. It was exciting, but I found that if something I was experiencing wasn't listed, or something that was listed I wasn't experiencing, I would freak out and think something was wrong. by Traci
I did that too! Not so much with my first but with C it was awful. I didn't have morning sickness right away with C so I assumed that meant something was terribly wrong. by RedBedHead

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