Comments:

1. I've started offering G 2 of everything, well -- everything possible, to let him pick which one he wants (2 diapers, onesies, pairs of socks, crackers... etc). He seems to like choosing (as much as a 9-month-old can I suppose). I don't want to make him eat things he doesn't like (I can hide just about anything in mac and cheese, so if that's all he'll eat... we'll work around it). The only thing his opinion will not change is his schedule. No, I can't make him sleep, but he will be in bed at bedtime/nap time. Basically, he has the right to be himself. He doesn't have to eat, sleep, or play, but the opportunities will consistently be offered.      by KeelyKay
   
2. Well, my older child is pretty opinionated at this point in her life, and I try to respect that. I find myself sometimes gritting my teeth at her clothing choices, but I let it be. I think that letting her do things on her own like dressing herself will increase her self esteem, self help skills and creativity. Food choices are another thing - at meal times I put about 4 different things on her plate and ultimately she tries all of them. She's great about trying new stuff. But truthfully, if she wants the yogos for a snack, I don't fret.
   
   The only real non-negotiables are hard and fast safety rules (listen to mommy, don't hurt people/pets, etc) and bedtime/nap time.
   
   I guess ultimately, I want my kids to feel like their opinion counts, and that they are respected. But there are boundries. There are things that they really don't get to vote on... within reason.      by Deana
   
3. I think letting children have their opinion is very important. Of course, I believe in talking them through their options and helping them learn to make good choices (and not giving too many at once), but I think it's important to let them choose. There are circumstances where they are not old enough to make a good choice with their level of understanding, in which case, I get to choose . But overall, I like to let kids have their say.      by B'sgirl
   
4. Quote:

   Originally Posted by Csara Personally it is very important to me for my child to have as much control over his life as reasonable and possible...Basically I am pretty relaxed as far as what I will let him do. He is his own person and I respect that. He has his own opinions, his own likes and dislikes and I can't even imagine forcing him to inhibit those preferences.

   Ditto to all of that!
   
   I am not my son's boss, and he does not belong to me. We are all members of this family, and we work together so that everyone is respected and all of our needs are met. Ds has valid wants, needs, and opinions, even though he's "just a kid."
   
   Dh and I are pretty easygoing, so most of ds's requests aren't a big deal at all to us. If he wants to do something that isn't going to hurt anyone/anything, we let him. If it's something that we just don't want to do right now (messy painting that I don't want to clean up), we talk about it with ds. If he doesn't really care, he moves on to something else. If it's something he wants very much to do, then we figure out a way to do it (maybe dh does the cleanup, or I strip down ds and take him outside so there's less mess).
   
   He doesn't rule our house. There's no lack of discipline. We simply respect his desires as well as our own. If he wants to scream loudly and my head hurts, he can scream into a pillow. If he wants to play with something that's not safe, we find a safer alternative. If we're ready to stop doing something or to leave a store and he's not, we give him a few minutes to transition. Most of the time it takes less than 5 minutes and he's happy to leave....which is much better than fighting to strap him in a car seat if he doesn't want to get in it!
   
   The only time it gets tough is when I'm tired and/or hungry. I tend to get cranky and my ability to find creative solutions diminishes. I lapse back into the "I'm in charge" mode I grew up with, and sometimes try to force him to do something. It never ends up well, so I try to catch myself before I get to that point and realize I'm cranky and need a snack or nap.
   
   The other day I was out buying him some pajamas for the fall, and he was really excited about some hot pink ones. I had no problem with buying them, except they had the brand name on the chest. I detest that kind of advertising, and refuse to *pay* to advertise for a store. Ds also liked some with blue stripes, so we got those instead. If he had liked a set with pink butterflies, we would have gotten them.      by jana
   
5. As a mother I have learned to pick my battles. There are times when I allow my children to wear something and hide my face behind my hands. If Noah's hair is spiked like crazy, it's Noah's hair, not mine. If Cameron wants to ride her bike in the mall instead of her stroller, so be it.
   Some things are not up for debate though. For instance, we aren't going to eat candy first thing in the morning (with the exception of November 1st). We will go to Church as a family.
   I think that it is very important that my children have a sense of control over their lives as much as they can. There are so many things that we as parents must control. I don't want them to feel like they are little robots programmed by me.      by RedBedHead
   
6. I will have to admit I don't agree with letting any child just run the show entirely, but I do want to make sure my son feels like he has a say and has options/choices. Children are just not always able to make appropriate choices as a youngster and may need guidance from mom or dad.... I feel like that is what we're here for... to help them make educated, reasonable choices and learn along the way... but I don't want to MAKE the choice for him and inhibit him (or other children I may have). My main focus for "helping" him will probably be in his food choices. I am a very picky eater to this day, and I think my mom let me choose TOO much when I was younger. I chose to eat a grilled cheese and fruit all the time (and simple meals such as these).....and I never really branched out. She did *try* sometimes, but I can remember gagging and spitting everything out, and she gave up. I was like 5 or 6 at that point, and I was her fourth child, so I think she was sick of the effort and just said, "Oh just let her eat what she wants." In fact, she told me that recently. She was tired of MAKING me. But, I really want to work on this with C. I want him to love a variety of food. I want him to branch out in a way that I never did until an adult, and I still don't very often. Anyway, you get my drift. I agree with you guys on the most part (clothing, etc... who cares what they wear!? I think Jax's outfit sounds so cute!! lol), but I will also draw the line sometimes. KWIM?      by IUgrad02
   
7. I believe in letting Andy choose, within reason.
   
   For meals/snacks, I offer a variety and let him choose what he does/doesn't eat. If he wants a snack and goes to the fridge I open the door and he chooses yogurt or applesauce or he points to the drawer where the cheese is kept. However, I will always try to get him to try at least a little bit of everything. My husband was never "made" or even prodded to try different stuff and he is a difficult eater, as is his little sister. I was forced to try stuff and I did throw up on the table a time or two (between the forcing and the "clean plate" thing). I know the line between encouraging and forcing! Also the whole "clean plate club" is the dumbest thing ever IMO, it simply encourages/forces overeating. However, unless Andy has made a decent stab at his meal, he won't get a snack later. If he ate very little, I will offer him his dinner again, but that rarely happens.
   
   As far as clothes.... So far no battle with them really, he doesn't seem to care, even if I hold up 2 choices. However when the time comes, as long as it is weather/season appropriate (no shorts in 40 degree weather, shoes and socks will be worn when it is chilly), then I'm hoping I can be laid back enough to not care if he matches or not. I did see this one article about a mom who made a button for her daughter to wear that said "I DRESSED MYSELF TODAY!" in part so her daughter could celebrate her independance and in part so she would feel less embarressed by her daughters outfit (the one she referenced was 1 yellow rainboot, 1 pink rain boot, a lime green top, red skirt, blue socks and lots of mismatched play jewelry) I think that is an awesome idea too
   Bedtime.. might be negotiable as he gets older. My parents babied the heck out of me on it - I was 14 and still sent to bed before 9 PM! Then, I'd just rebel and sit up reading under the blanket or watching TV (another thing - I doubt I'd allow a TV in my kids room) until I felt tired or got caught.
   Baths - totally non-negotiable unless eh wants to bathe in the mornign versus the evening. My in-laws let my husband's little brother have way too much say on when/if he bathed and the child still hates showers/baths to this day (he is 19) and I swear he only bathes when forced. He's a mechanic so he DEFINITELY needs one daily!      by pink_elephant
   
8. Quote:

   Originally Posted by IUgrad02 I feel like that is what we're here for... to help them make educated, reasonable choices and learn along the way... but I don't want to MAKE the choice for him and inhibit him (or other children I may have).

   Megan, you always seem to say things so eloquently! That is how I feel - I don't ever want to make the choice for my kids or make them do something that they don't want to do (within reason - like car seats, etc). I just want to give them both choices - or have them come up with their choices - and have dh and I help and guide (as they get older that guideance of course will change I'm sure - as her decision making processes mature).
   When I re-read my response I think I may have sounded a bit autocratic. That's not it at all - I just believe that there are some things that toddlers and pre-schoolers need extra help with!
   We recently were at a point where N WAS ruling the roost and it was out of control. She had EVERY choice, and was controlling the whole household. I totally want her to have an equal voice in what happens in our family but she was running the show - and I was frustrated and miserable. We just pulled it in a little bit and instead of having EVERY choice (and having a meltdown if she didn't get her way that instant), we started giving her options.      by Deana
   
9. Quote:

   Originally Posted by Deana We just pulled it in a little bit and instead of having EVERY choice (and having a meltdown if she didn't get her way that instant), we started giving her options.

   If you have ever seen those Super Nanny shows (or anything like that... Shalom in the Home..etc.) ... that is what they always suggest to do. Some of those kids on the shows are so incredibly out of control that their parents have to, well, contact a television show and send a professional out to help in front of the world. It is generally common sense stuff that solves the problem for them. A.) Spend more time with your kids doing stuff that is fun for them... making crafts, planting flowers, etc. Involve them. And B.) Don't let your child rule YOU, but let them have SOME choice in the matter. For example, one show the woman was letting her daughters choose ALL items ALL the time. She would say to her, "What do you want for breakfast? You may have anything you like." The child was so overwhelmed and always ended up throwing major fits... so Super Nanny said she needed TWO and only TWO choices all the time. She said to the child, "Would you prefer pancakes or bacon and eggs for breakfast?" And the child would chose one. The situation was over. If she couldn't decide, the mother said, "Let's have pancakes today and bacon and eggs tomorrow!" And teh child was fine with that. I loved watching the transformation of the "bratty" child to the "happy" child on that show. It will has stuck with me. C is too young to really choose, but when he does, we'll surely try this.
   
   Oh, and Deana... thank you! That is nice of you to say.      by IUgrad02
   
10. Quote:

    Originally Posted by IUgrad02 For example, one show the woman was letting her daughters choose ALL items ALL the time. She would say to her, "What do you want for breakfast? You may have anything you like." The child was so overwhelmed and always ended up throwing major fits...

    Omg! Yeah, that's completely overwhelming! We always stick to 2 choices, too, unless ds comes up with something else on his own.      by jana
    
11. I haven't read the entire thread ... but maybe someone has said this already or has shown this view.
    
    While we totally give Brandon freedom of choice over just about anything except mealtime, brushing his teeth and bathtime ... My 14 year old daughter is watching this and expressed an opinion to me the other day. She said "Mom, you & Daddy were always so good to me and always let me do whatever I wanted to do. Now you do that with Brandon. Sometimes, kids want you to tell them what to do. They need you to tell them."
    
    and this comes from a child raised with all kinds of freedom.
    
    Just something to think about.      by MissRyry
    
12. Rhonda, good point ... I think kids definitely need some direction and the stress of some choices to be made for them. Depending on the child/personality, etc it could actually be overwhelming to make some choices all the time and it could be a relief for that child to have some decisions made for them.
    
    I'm not really sure how to answer the topic for our daughter to be honest lmao! Two frazzled working parents may often throw in the towel and be either of both extremes and are probably not as consistent as they should be. Not speaking about myself of course ... Just don't report me to the mommy police, I'm doing the best I can I promise.      by jessica
    
13. LOL, Jessica!! I'm sure you are doing wonderfully.      by Csara
    
14. Jessica, I hear ya! We are in the same boat!
         by pink_elephant
    
15. 
    
    One thing she doesn't have an opinion about (yet) is clothes ... no opinion whatsoever so we haven't even tried giving her options on what she wants to wear.      by jessica
    
16. Yeah, Andy could care less what we dress him in, aside from he has obsession with having socks and shoes on and then taking them off and wanting them on again... he actually hold his foot up to us, LOL!      by pink_elephant
    
17. I agree that kids need to be able to make some choices on their own. It promotes independence, and who cares if their clothes match, as long as they’re weather appropriate? Like D said, there are things they don’t get a vote on – bedtime, wearing a shirt at the table (N is in a half-naked stage), personal hygiene, safety issues, etc. We give N 2-3 choices on what to eat, and she likes to choose. She doesn’t always follow through by eating what she’s chosen, but we’re working on that. We will be encouraging her to eat what’s on her plate to help avoid pickiness. That doesn’t mean she has to eat it all, just some of everything.
    
    Sometimes what Mommy says goes simply because that’s the way it is. Children don’t always know how to make a good decision. That’s our job to teach them, and as they grow older and are better able to make good choices, they will get more say.      by Margarita