TOTW: Your Child’s Opinion
This week’s topic of the week (TOTW) is going to be about our children’s opinions and how much we think their opinions should count in regards to what they wear, what they eat, what they do, etc. We all know that kids go through phases. One week they may only want to eat broccoli and the next week they hate broccoli and only want to eat pretzels. They might want to wear a purple shirt with green pants and yellow rain boots to school. Does it matter to you?
Personally it is very important to me for my child to have as much control over his life as reasonable and possible. If he wants to wear an orange shark shirt with non-matching blue and green shark shorts and striped caterpillar rain boots out in public, of course I will let him. And yes, that was an actual outfit my son wore to Target and the grocery store one day. It was very cute, I might add.
As far as eating, I do not believe in forcing him to eat anything he does not want to eat. I won’t feed him ice cream and cookies all day despite it is what he has asked for quite a few times, but I will not make him eat brussel sprouts and carrots if he hates them. What I do is offer him a variety of foods, including some that I know he likes. His taste changes week to week anyway, so it’s always a crap shoot.
Basically I am pretty relaxed as far as what I will let him do. He is his own person and I respect that. He has his own opinions, his own likes and dislikes and I can’t even imagine forcing him to inhibit those preferences.
Please join in the discussion and let us know how much your child’s opinion counts. Where does it count the most and where do you draw the line?






The only real non-negotiables are hard and fast safety rules (listen to mommy, don't hurt people/pets, etc) and bedtime/nap time.
I guess ultimately, I want my kids to feel like their opinion counts, and that they are respected. But there are boundries. There are things that they really don't get to vote on... within reason.
I am not my son's boss, and he does not belong to me. We are all members of this family, and we work together so that everyone is respected and all of our needs are met. Ds has valid wants, needs, and opinions, even though he's "just a kid."
Dh and I are pretty easygoing, so most of ds's requests aren't a big deal at all to us. If he wants to do something that isn't going to hurt anyone/anything, we let him. If it's something that we just don't want to do right now (messy painting that I don't want to clean up), we talk about it with ds. If he doesn't really care, he moves on to something else. If it's something he wants very much to do, then we figure out a way to do it (maybe dh does the cleanup, or I strip down ds and take him outside so there's less mess).
He doesn't rule our house. There's no lack of discipline. We simply respect his desires as well as our own. If he wants to scream loudly and my head hurts, he can scream into a pillow. If he wants to play with something that's not safe, we find a safer alternative. If we're ready to stop doing something or to leave a store and he's not, we give him a few minutes to transition. Most of the time it takes less than 5 minutes and he's happy to leave....which is much better than fighting to strap him in a car seat if he doesn't want to get in it!
The only time it gets tough is when I'm tired and/or hungry. I tend to get cranky and my ability to find creative solutions diminishes. I lapse back into the "I'm in charge" mode I grew up with, and sometimes try to force him to do something. It never ends up well, so I try to catch myself before I get to that point and realize I'm cranky and need a snack or nap.
The other day I was out buying him some pajamas for the fall, and he was really excited about some hot pink ones. I had no problem with buying them, except they had the brand name on the chest. I detest that kind of advertising, and refuse to *pay* to advertise for a store. Ds also liked some with blue stripes, so we got those instead. If he had liked a set with pink butterflies, we would have gotten them.
Some things are not up for debate though. For instance, we aren't going to eat candy first thing in the morning (with the exception of November 1st). We will go to Church as a family.
I think that it is very important that my children have a sense of control over their lives as much as they can. There are so many things that we as parents must control. I don't want them to feel like they are little robots programmed by me.
For meals/snacks, I offer a variety and let him choose what he does/doesn't eat. If he wants a snack and goes to the fridge I open the door and he chooses yogurt or applesauce or he points to the drawer where the cheese is kept. However, I will always try to get him to try at least a little bit of everything. My husband was never "made" or even prodded to try different stuff and he is a difficult eater, as is his little sister. I was forced to try stuff and I did throw up on the table a time or two (between the forcing and the "clean plate" thing). I know the line between encouraging and forcing! Also the whole "clean plate club" is the dumbest thing ever IMO, it simply encourages/forces overeating. However, unless Andy has made a decent stab at his meal, he won't get a snack later. If he ate very little, I will offer him his dinner again, but that rarely happens.
As far as clothes.... So far no battle with them really, he doesn't seem to care, even if I hold up 2 choices. However when the time comes, as long as it is weather/season appropriate (no shorts in 40 degree weather, shoes and socks will be worn when it is chilly), then I'm hoping I can be laid back enough to not care if he matches or not. I did see this one article about a mom who made a button for her daughter to wear that said "I DRESSED MYSELF TODAY!" in part so her daughter could celebrate her independance and in part so she would feel less embarressed by her daughters outfit (the one she referenced was 1 yellow rainboot, 1 pink rain boot, a lime green top, red skirt, blue socks and lots of mismatched play jewelry) I think that is an awesome idea too
Bedtime.. might be negotiable as he gets older. My parents babied the heck out of me on it - I was 14 and still sent to bed before 9 PM! Then, I'd just rebel and sit up reading under the blanket or watching TV (another thing - I doubt I'd allow a TV in my kids room) until I felt tired or got caught.
Baths - totally non-negotiable unless eh wants to bathe in the mornign versus the evening. My in-laws let my husband's little brother have way too much say on when/if he bathed and the child still hates showers/baths to this day (he is 19) and I swear he only bathes when forced. He's a mechanic so he DEFINITELY needs one daily!
When I re-read my response I think I may have sounded a bit autocratic. That's not it at all - I just believe that there are some things that toddlers and pre-schoolers need extra help with!
We recently were at a point where N WAS ruling the roost and it was out of control. She had EVERY choice, and was controlling the whole household. I totally want her to have an equal voice in what happens in our family but she was running the show - and I was frustrated and miserable. We just pulled it in a little bit and instead of having EVERY choice (and having a meltdown if she didn't get her way that instant), we started giving her options.
Oh, and Deana... thank you! That is nice of you to say.
While we totally give Brandon freedom of choice over just about anything except mealtime, brushing his teeth and bathtime ... My 14 year old daughter is watching this and expressed an opinion to me the other day. She said "Mom, you & Daddy were always so good to me and always let me do whatever I wanted to do. Now you do that with Brandon. Sometimes, kids want you to tell them what to do. They need you to tell them."
and this comes from a child raised with all kinds of freedom.
Just something to think about.
I'm not really sure how to answer the topic for our daughter to be honest lmao! Two frazzled working parents may often throw in the towel and be either of both extremes and are probably not as consistent as they should be. Not speaking about myself of course ...
One thing she doesn't have an opinion about (yet) is clothes ... no opinion whatsoever so we haven't even tried giving her options on what she wants to wear.
Sometimes what Mommy says goes simply because that’s the way it is. Children don’t always know how to make a good decision. That’s our job to teach them, and as they grow older and are better able to make good choices, they will get more say.