TOTW: dealing with the loss of a pet

Sadly, we recently lost our family pet, our sweet kitty. I got her shortly before my husband and I started dating when we were in college, which was about 12 years ago. She’s been with us for a long time and through many moves. From my first apartment in college to my first shared apartment with DH to my parents house and a couple more apartments and finally our current home. I am so used to having her around and seeing her in her little spots that she would find around the house.

To make it even worse, we were not home when our cat passed. We were on vacation and she was home with my brother-in-law. He called me to tell me that she was not doing well and had stopped eating. I had my parents go assess the situation and speak to the vet and we all decided that it was her time to go. My parents took her to the vet to be put to sleep. I will feel guilty about that for a long time, but it is what it is. There was nothing I could have done. I just feel so sad that I couldn’t say goodbye, but isn’t that how it often is with death?

Now my son, on the other hand, is only two and a half. He doesn’t understand the concept of death and we had never even mentioned it before. We had no need to. He is, or should I say was, very attached to our cat. He asked for her every day while we were away.

Towards the end of the trip, I finally had to start explaining to him that Janny girl would no longer be with us. I told him that she is in a better place and went to be with her mommy and daddy because we couldn’t take care of her anymore. She was too old and sick and now she is happy. I don’t know if what I said was good or bad or whatever, but it seemed to work. He understands that she won’t be coming back. He misses her and gets sad when he thinks about her because he wants to see her and pet her, but he remembers what I told him.

I think the fact that we were away made it easier on him to accept that she is gone. It was harder on me, I think, but easier on him, so for that I am grateful. My heart goes out to anyone that has had to lose a pet. I especially feel for those of you who have had to explain it to a child. How did you deal with it? How long did it take for your child to stop asking for the pet?

Comments:

I meant to add, since I know not everyone has pets (or has lost a pet).....if you have had to deal with a death in the family or close friend that your child knows, how did you handle that?? It is so hard teaching those type of lessons to kids. They are so innocent, but unfortunately that's life. by Csara
One way we helped Roni get through the loss of Winston (our 10 yo bulldog) was that we found a picture of him for her to keep in her room. She slept with it a couple times and then it sat on her nightstand for a while. It still sits in her room. Even know (a year 1/2 & 2 new pups later) she stills says she misses him sometimes. I remind her that he is always in her heart, watching out for her & sometimes he whishers in our new pups' ears to remind them to be nice to her. by rdy2rac with
When I was 8 or 9 years old I had this cat named Snowshoe who I absolutely adored. We had him for about a year when some people started building a house behind ours. One day we came home to find Snowshoe laying dead in the garage. He had been shot by a nail gun and had run home to die, I guess. We figure he had been pestering the construction workers. I was heartbroken and cried all day! I missed him for a long time. My dad buried him behind our lilac bush and then proceeded to chew out the building company (go dad!).

I don't remember everything my parents told me. I think what they said was that Jesus would take care of my kitty now, and maybe we could get a new one to take care. That must have done the trick because it appears that I have gotten over it. (: by B'sgirl
B's girl, that is terrible!!!!!!! So sad.
C-- I was away at college when my mom called and told me my cat had to be put to sleep. I wasn't able to be there, and I couldn't say goodbye, and that was hard on me, too. But, I think in a way it was better. I can't imagine having to do a "final goodbye".... I don't know how I would've handled that. It's really not ideal no matter what, so I guess we just have to try our best to remind ourselves that this is what was best for the pet at this time, and they lived a wonderful life and enjoyed us for many years (as we enjoyed them). Oh how sad it is, though. I think you did a wonderful job with Jax, for what it's worth. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. by IUgrad02
D was never one for change. Even if I traded a car off he would "miss" it and "talk" about it for MONTHS afterward.
We had a puppy named Lillian *Lil* and a cat named Phillip *Phil* named after rugrats anyhow, Lil got distemper and we had to put her down. We had only had her 6 months. It was hard explaining to D, he missed her for awhile....but then again we hadn't had her long so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Not long after that Phil "ran away to be with Lil", actually he got hit by a car but luckily D didn't know that.
I used the "gone to Heaven" story.

Losing a pet is hard I STILL miss my Lady and my Rebel. Lady was a brown hound and Rebel was a Brittney. They were wonderful dogs and have been gone for over 10 years. I will always miss them. I hope J's little heart heals soon. He will do better than you you will always miss Janny but you know that she's not suffering anymore--and that does help ease the pain. by HeavenLeigh
Oh, C, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty. I think you handled it wonderfully with Jax. There really isn't an easy way of explaining death to young children.

by Margarita

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