Sharing
We are having a real issue with sharing lately. My son is super possessive and while we are all possessive of our belongings and rightfully so, he needs to learn that he has to share his toys with his little friends when they come over to play. I try to explain to him when he goes to “so and so’s” house that they let him play with their toys so he must do the same when they come over to play at our house. Instead of constantly saying “no” to him, I have tried saying “it’s ok - you have another one here” and passing him another toy. If it is a favorite toy of his, I will ask him to find a different toy for his friend to play with and then he can have his special toy back. I tell him that we are going to take turns. That first “so and so” will play with it for a little while and then Jax can have it. I have told him to be gentle (because he tends to grab his toys a bit aggressively as of late) or “it’s not nice not to share” although I don’t think he understands the concept of mean and nice just yet. Other than what I am doing, I don’t know what else to do. I hate having to constantly interject and feel stressed out at a play date. Any suggestions on how to get through this stage a little easier?
Something I've had luck with is to make sure to put the really favorite toys away before the friends come over. Talk to him and let him know that you know his Thomas train (or whatever) is very special to him, so let's put it away so nobody gets sad or upset about sharing it. Everything else is for all the kids to play with. As he gets older and understands more about the whole deal, he can help choose the off-limits toys for that playdate, and remind him that everything else is fair game. (Obviously, if he's still stressing about a particular toy when friends are there, maybe put that one away, too.) It's not meant as a punishment thing, like "if you can't share, nobody can play with it," but more just a preventative, "I know this toy causes hurt feelings and conflicts, so let's just keep it out of the picture for now." It helps give him a sense of control, that there *are* things he doesn't have to share if he doesn't want to, but that way the other kids don't feel slighted, either.
I personally would avoid the "it's not nice not to share," because frankly, I think it sounds too confusing at his age. Maybe focus instead on the "your friends want to play with your toys, too" angle, and point out how his friends smile and laugh and look happy when he gives them toys to play with. "Aww, you gave Sarah a turn with your Elmo! Look how happy that made her! She's smiling really big!" etc.
Another thing I try hard to do is be aware of who wants which toy. Like if ds has a ball that someone else wants, I'll tell the other kid, "Ds has that ball now, but when he's finished with it, you can have a turn." Then as soon as he is done, I follow up with the other kid - even if they're doing something else. I tell them, "Hey, ds is finished with the blue ball now - would you still like a turn with it?" and hand it to them. It models polite language for them, how to interact with each other to ask for toys, how to tell when someone is finished with a toy, and it shows them respect - I follow through with what I said instead of just letting it slide by because they've moved on to another toy or activity. It wasn't just a way to shut them up and give ds what he wanted, lol.
The only other thing I can suggest is to maybe play other turn-taking games with him when friends aren't around? Ds and I do a lot of "A's turn, Mama's turn" things throughout the day. I know it's not the same as another little one (who is seen as competition) wanting to take or grab his beloved toys, but it might help with the "turn" concept.
too funny.. but at least she didn't snatch it!
Still not the best, but it looks like we are making at least some sort of progress which is good. I certainly don't expect him to be perfect. I know this is normal for his age.
Thanks!