A (too) tight family unit?
My husband and I are the type of parents who really enjoy being with our child. We travel with him, we shop with him, we go to restaurants with him, and get ready for this….we even share our bed with him. Friends and family used to tell us all the time that we needed to “get out more” or “take a break”, but we are happy. We get out plenty and yes, I could use a break, but couldn’t any mom…….or dad, for that matter?
Lately it seems that our son is extra attached to us. He won’t go 5 minutes without calling for me if I am not in sight. If I go to the garage, he follows. If I go upstairs for a second and tell him to wait because I’ll be right back, I turn around and he is halfway up the stairs. If I run outside to throw out the trash, grab something from the car, or get the mail, he is waiting by the front door when I come in.
Now when my husband leaves the house or the car or goes upstairs to work, our son has started calling for him too. He says “dada dada dada” until I explain to him that I’m here and daddy is doing whatever it is he is doing. This is a new thing. I thought the height of separation anxiety peaked at 18 months and steadily declined at this point (21 months). Am I wrong? Or is something else going on?
It could be teething, but I’m not sure. He chews on things and has his finger in his mouth pretty often lately and has had some crankiness, but nothing too unusual. The velcro-factor has hit an all time high though. I know my little guy is still very young and even though he looks like he should be starting kindergarten next week, he is really still just a big baby. I do sometimes wonder if there is such a thing as too attached though?
Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that we are such a tight-knit family. Being together all the time could definitely do that to you. Our son is very bright and happy, has a great personality and sense of humor, loves to be around other people and interact with them, but it seems that it all just disappears when I do.
I feel so badly about this. I want him to be secure and confident when I’m not around and I just don’t understand why he isn’t. I have never given him any reason not to be. Quite the contrary, actually…..
I think being close knit is very important but I also think each person *parent and child alike* need some space of their own. It's great that you and J want to take Jax everywhere with you but when you do have to leave him, he actually grieves for you...and that's not good. Seperation anxiety goes much deeper than crying, it's pretty traumatic on a child. I would try to socialize him more w/ kids his own age and a trusted adult for a little while at a time then gradually build up to where it's for longer periods.
It certainly didn't help that, when I was in Kindergarten, one of the older kids in the school thought it would be incredibly funny to tell me that something horrible had happened to my dad and he died earlier that day. I swear, I think that really SCARRED me for life--little wench!
I was also an only child and that caused a lot of problems growing up because I was never used to having to *share* with anyone. I've still got a case of the "stingies" every now and then. Never with my own children though. LOL
Yeah... I guess I've *always* had issues!
The boys are okay with their Grandma most of the time, but I miss them so much after only a couple of hours. I think the longest (besides when I was in the hospital having Brendan) that I've been away from them is 7 hours or so.
I wonder if that's unhealthy for them (or me)... ??? I can say that there are times I like to run off and be alone for awhile (especially when I was taking all those damned hormones)!
As far as socializing him more, yes, we need to work on that. We do see friends several times a week, but maybe it's just not enough......and he needs to be left with his grandparents (or another trusted adult) a little more often. I guess if we just start small and keep increasing the time, hopefully it will get better after a while.
I don't have any advice, but I'm wishing you all the luck in the world for this phase to pass quickly and peacefully!!
She is ok with my dad and stepmom (she's with them every monday for a couple of hours) but also went through a phase where she would scream and cry when I would drop her off. It's hard... And occasionally, she will get upset when I leave her at pre-school, but I just stay an extra few minutes, get her engaged in an activity, and tell her that I will pick her up after lunch.
Honestly, I think it's just a child wanting/needing their parent. And I don't think that's a bad thing at all!!
Separation issues generally start to abate around a child's 3rd birthday, but some children simply need more reassurance than others. I can't see anything wrong with him knowing you are there for him. He'll become independent when he's ready (the only think I could think of is for an older child where the parents continue to do things for him/her that s/he could/should do for self - creating a dependency instead of allowing the child to grow wings).
He is really good about not being super clingy when we are just hanging around at home. He can play by himself for quite a while as long as I'm in the same room or nearby. He is also really good if we are out at a playgroup or the park. He runs away and does his own thing, as long as he knows I'm somewhere around if he needs me.
As far as his imagination, I'm pretty sure it has already begun to develop.
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